You meet them, you get to know them, you date them, you learn about them. You have sex with them. Finally, you love them. You live with them. You marry them. You have kids with them. You grow old with them. Is this, the love journey? Is it the only one?
I think usually when two people are getting to know each other they are very careful about what they say and do. They are careful to not share too much or give too much. This is what the ego does to protect us. It puts up barriers and walls that keep us from becoming attached or involved, so we don’t give too much of ourselves away. We do not want to let ourselves go, for fear of being hurt. We do not want to suffer, and when we let down some of these walls, we open ourselves to suffering - we become vulnerable.
That is why (especially after being in the game for a while) we become very careful and cautious as to whom we lower our bridges. I understand this. People's natural inclination is to hold back. They do not want to let themselves get too close too soon. This is the way it goes. After a while, you get to know the person better (knowledge wise) and so you feel that now, you may be able to trust them, and you can begin to open your heart.
And yet, when deciding who we can lower our bridges with, I do not believe that knowledge is as important as the vibrational sense you can get from a person. When you are totally present to someone, you can feel their energy, their presence and demeanor. You can sense the quality of their intentions and desires and where they're at completely in that moment, all from looking into their eyes and their overall expression. It is why most people tend to avoid eye contact in socially awkward situations. The eyes reveal too much!
In any case, I think people may sense this quality in me, that I am not afraid to lower my defenses immediately. I think some people find this dangerous, but I do not. I know that by lowering my bridge to you I may get attached, or I may be hurt or suffer, but this does not bother me so much. It is okay to suffer sometimes. If suffering is looked at as an opportunity to challenge oneself and grow, in many ways it can be a good thing. A very good thing.
But the main reason I do this, the main reason why I feel that this is worthwhile, is that, although ego defenses may protect us from suffering, they also keep us from experiencing real, true, love. For when you do let those walls fall away, you open your heart to love, and the love just pours in.
It is true that a great deal of trust is needed in this situation. And in many instances, I have put my trust into people who ultimately did hurt me. But in all of those cases, I have learned and have grown from the experience. Every time, I learn a little more and become a little wiser. It is finding that balance, that is the key - to let go of those ego defenses and separating emotions (thus allowing myself to experience this quality of love and unity with beings) but to do this without becoming attached to my desire or the person or anything; to act, and to love, but without expecting anything from it - to do each act, solely for the act itself.
This is the love journey: To let my heart open to all things, and include it all in my heart. To realize that we are all one being, we all suffer and all live a life on this earth. To realize that, in a cosmic sense, there is nothing different, nothing separating you from I. To completely love and accept "myself" - Tim Hjersted; and then, to realize the nature of the universe, that is, my true self, and thus love all things. That is the journey.
It reminds me of something I said to my partner once, some time ago, that is, "When I don’t know who I am, I love you. When I know who I am, you and I are one, and there is just the quality and feeling of love. No self. No other. Just the universe, looking back at itself."
In realizing this, my arms will reach out to the world, farther and farther until my heart includes everything, and there will be no sense of a you and I. There will just be I, just US. And in this space, WE ARE THE LOVE. And that’s it, that’s all there is, nothing but the unity of love that is everything.
(Spring 2001)