A list of terms explained.
— Joshua Idehen (@BeninCitizen)
Capitalism: your mum washes your clothes.
You pay her a dollar.
She complains.
You call the police and claim she's rioting.
Communism: your mum does the washing. You do the washing. Every night you salute a photo of your dad.
Socialism: your mum does the washing. You do the cooking. Everyone is theoretically happy.
Fascism: your mum does the washing whilst fearing for her life.
Nazism: your mum does the washing. You gas the laundry room.
Feudalism: your mum does the washing and pays you tax.
Liberalism: you watch your mum do the washing and feel really really bad.
"Something must be done" u say.
Something may or may not get done
Libertarianism: your mum does the washing. You believe you did it.
Atheism: your mum does the washing. You make a YouTube video demanding peer reviewed evidence she did, in fact, do the washing.
misogyny: you hate your mum whether or not she does the washing.
Patriarchy: your mum doesn't exist. The washing is mysteriously done
Men's rights activism: your mum does the washing. You call her a whore.
Matriarchy: your mum does the washing. You do the washing. you are really happy pulling your weight in the house
Feminism: your mum insists you grow up and do your own washing.
White feminism: your mum hired a woman of color to do the washing
Islamophobia: your mum does the washing. She left out a sock. You brand her a hygiene terrorist.
Racism: your mum does the washing. She blames black people
Cultural appropriationism: While your mum does the washing, You steal her dirty clothes mimic her in public. Public gives you money.
Colonialism: you barge into mum's room. Claim you "discovered" it. Dump your dirty clothes on the floor
Neo capitalism: your mum does the washing.
You pay her a dollar.
You get her to do your mates washing.
Your mate pays you £50
Corporationism: your mum considers not doing the washing. u pay your mate £35 to lobby on ur behalf. No dice. u sue for "emotional sabotage"
Americanism: your mum does the washing. It's in the constitution. END OF DISCUSSION.
Ableism: your mum is doing the washing. She has dementia. You call her a "retard."
Mis-genderism: "cheers dude" you say, as your mum does the washing. She tells you she's not a dude. "Whatever dude", you say.
Mansplaining- your mum does the washing. You tell her how best to do the washing.
You have never done the washing.
Sexism: of course your mum does the washing.
Duh.
Rape culture: it's mum's fault she does the washing/she asked to do the washing/she doesn't do the washing as much as she says she does
Misandry: that one time your mum refused to do the washing has convinced you she hates you
Egalitarianism: that one time you did the washing is proof its all equal and no one needs feminism any more
Homophobia: you think it's unnatural that your mum doesn't do the washing. Against gods will, even
Toxic Masculinity: Your brother helped your mum do the washing so you called him a pussy to his face/drank all the beer/demanded a fight etc
Joshua Idehen is a musician, poet and performer. Follow him on Twitter @BeninCitizen