I like to get lost. Lose myself in every direction. I don't know what it is, but most humans always need to know. Know where they are going, or what they have to get, what route to take or which pants to put on. There is something about walking without having a clue. I am never afraid. The world is not so big after all. You just have to ask someone for the airport and within 5 hours you can be in another continent. The world is not so big, so how lost can you actually get?
I don't know why I chose 5 hours. It just was the first number that came up in me. But it still is correct right? At least from where I am. See? Not knowing still got me that sentence.
There is so much about wandering. I do it everywhere. In the forest, but not when it gets too dark, because I don't like that very much. Unless I have my tent. Alright, so I know I have a place to sleep, you got me there. Sometimes I like to know a little bit, I must admit. We have to be safe okay? We can get lost safely, it is still getting lost.
My family taught me that and it is quite useful. Physically, we get lost and if we want to be able to experience it fully, we have to care for our physical body, too.
Most of the time when I lose myself into the streets, it is like watching a movie. Or even mutiple movies. And they touch me, sometimes so deeply that I cry. Don't worry, I like to cry sometimes. It's not a bad thing. I like the time when I am with my cry and I hug it and say 'don't worry, you're welcome'. Then I start laughing again.
Maybe it is not just like movies. I don't know how to describe it. It is like every bit and brick has a personal life, which I get an insight into. Like when you would look into the windows of a flat and you see all these different lives playing itself out. Planets form and every planet has it's own unique culture, views, language. But the planets are all in the same space and made out of the same bricks. Maybe, if you would see it as a 3D Christmas card you understand it. I'm sorry if you already do, read this then as a fun alternative! The bricks, out of which all these planets, lives and cultures are made out of, these bricks are the card itself. From there, the colourful layers are build up. When you reach the last layer, or the first layer you see, you have a person!
Now, let's say that this card is not an actual card. You can not touch it, you can not hear it, you can not see it. Unless you are quiet. Even more quiet than a mouse. My teacher used to say that. 'Let's now be very quiet, like a mouse, then we get our lunch bags'. Well let me tell you this, some mouses can make some serious noises! It also depends on how big and fat they are of course. Maybe if the mouse is really skinny, you don't hear his paw steps very well. Not very long ago though, I heard some mouses at night. I heard them! So they are not that quiet. Not as quiet as I told you to be.
To be clear, I am also not talking to you. I am talking to that little monkey inside you. Can you hear him? He can sure talk a lot. My monkey can talk a lot too. But not when I wander.
When I am wandering I tell my monkey to look at those bricks. And together we look. And the monkey is quiet. Not like a mouse, but like a tree.
Some trees are loud, but I am talking about a tree on a windless day.
Once we are quiet, we see the card. And it is beautiful, complex and there are so many layers! And every scenery has it's own card. They have so many colours, like you've never seen! Because you can not see these colours. You can not draw or paint these colours, because they are not flat like paper. They also have structures and sounds and depth.
So when I wander, it is not quite like seeing movies, but like seeing these 3D cool cards. When you wander like this too, you will understand that you don't actually see these cards. Not with your eyes at least. Not your physical-body-you. That inner you I am talking about. Not the monkey, your inner you is like the base of a card. Yeah, you are a card, too! And like I said before, these base of the card is also like the everything the space and the planets are made out of.
Actually, now I am thinking about it. You, me, your neighbour, the table, your shoes, the planets and the stars all share the same base. If we want to see, or actually feel, this base, our monkey has to be quiet. Our monkey is also a layer or the card and it has to move aside for us to reach the base.
When I wander, I see this base, in every corner of the street, every decorated bench of steel and every person. Yesterday I went to the toilet. Not my own toilet. Not that any toilet is mine, because it is actually the toilet of the house. But I went to the toilet in a little bar. The bar was empty, except for the owner, who was peacefully polishing his glasses. He told me 'arriba', which means 'upstairs' in Spanish. So I used these cilinder stairs. A noise came off of it every time I did a step, because it was made of metal. Wooden stairs also produce sounds when you walk on them, but these are different.
While I took my steps, I suddenly saw that base. I recognised it. I recognised it from a memory. From the time my dad still had his old restaurant, and I would go up to the messy, dusty attic. I explored the place and saw all the old things laying around. I would think about what you could use that funny stick for, or those colourful plastic shapes.
So the base I saw, in that bar with the stairs of metal, was actually part of me. And I realised, since we all share this same base of the card, essentially everything is a part of you. Everything you experience at least. Just like you are part of everything.
I like to see that base. I makes everything more interesting! All of a sudden, a flat you walk by, gets this deep blue kind of colour, with scratches and rocky textures. Yeah, sometimes this base, which essentially is feeling, can make things more scary, but it can also make things more exciting! Like now for example, I am sitting in a park. I hear the birds sing, I see some people running, skateboarding or strolling around. Sometimes, there is even the sound of a flute, which gently spreads it's ways between the bushes. How do I know it spreads gently? I feel it. It is that base, which you can not see, but feel clearly. It gives this physical world way more depth, stretch and possibilities. Maybe it is a world on it's own! There is one wide tree right in front of me and I am sitting in a sort of theater is seems. The light strokes down on all these different coloured leaves and like that, I enter the world of elves. It is peaceful.
That is how a day to day park becomes a kingdom of elves.
When you have many people in one place, there are so many worlds. Sometimes it feels like a little too much for me. Every store I pass has it's own bubble, own reality and own laws. In every room there is a very own story, called 'life', playing itself out. Sometimes I am a little anxious to enter one of these worlds. Once, I went into a lounge bar. It was quite dark, but the neon lights made it possible to see everything. There were a lot of people at the bar and it was relatively small. I just stood there. I felt like I just discovered a new island, I didn't know the customs to. Yeah, there we have it again, 'I didn't know'. I never know how to be in social situations like these. I don't know if I should start talking with someone, if I should just find a place to sit or if I should go to the bar for a drink. Wait! This is my monkey mind again! Monkey, why are you so afraid of what the other fish in the sea will think of your colours? I communicated with my 'inner me', my base, our base. I asked 'what do you feel like doing?' And it said 'I feel like walking again, we will find some nicer music another time to dance on!'. And off we went and hand in hand we found our way to the metro.
Don't worry if your inner you wants something different than what you think you should do. It's not bad if you want to dance, when no one is dancing. It's not bad, if you want to go home, while everybody seems to have fun. You see, many people actually don't listen to themselves. They don't know that there is a monkey playing with them, making them do things, their 'inner selfves' don't want. They don't realise it, but they leave their best friend in a corner to cry, not listening to him or her.
Our best friend is our 'inner selves'. It is our base, remember? By leaving it, it loses trust in you and the connection between you and it is not good. Your 'inner you' sometimes gets really sad, or really angry, it wants to tell you something, but you don't hear it through the monkey mind. What does it do next? It will reveal itself in your body. Your belly will hurt sometimes and sometimes you just feel so tired, you don't know why. It's not about knowing, it's about feeling, communication with that little kid inside you.
I have already described that little kid as a base of a 3D card, bricks, space and I don’t even remember what else. Do you still follow it? Nah? Don’t worry, you don’t have to know anything. In fact you don’t know anything. I don’t know ANYTHING. The less I know the better. Then, anything can still exist. So if you’ll excuse me, I have to go to my pirate ship. We are going on a voyage and I rather not be late, for madame Lara will not be happy. Oh, did I now just totally forget to introduce myself? Forget it, you don’t know me, just like we all don’t know anything. Wait! You and I also share the same base of the card. So, listen carefully to the subtle sounds of the waving card, and you will know who I am.
You.