Suffering From Rampant Individualism?
Suffering From Rampant Individualism?
Our modern world is built around the “island” of the self — and so it isolates us from everyone else.
By Joe Brewer / medium.com
Aug 8, 2016

Do you suffer from loneliness? Feel isolated and distant from other people? Do you long for connection? Strive and hope to be noticed? To be loved? To be heard? To be touched? To be seen?

Well you are not alone. Or perhaps I should say, your feeling of being alone is widely shared by millions of others.

In truth, this loneliness is a pandemic — a cultural sickness that goes by the name “Individualism” —which is the widely held belief that human beings are individual selves living out isolated lives in their own personal bodies. This belief is profoundly at odds with everything that is known about human nature, yet still it persists and has been built into the social DNA of our modern world to such an extent that it feels like common sense.

Ask any psychologist about the human mind and they will tell you we are wired for human connection. We feel a strong foundational need for belonging. This need is so fundamental that newborn children who are not given physical contact are much more prone to immune failure and can even die from the torment of their isolation.

Similarly, the sociologists among us will attest that the fundamental unit of human existence is the small group and not the individual. We are who we are because of who we associate with. This “cliquishness” is well known in high schools around the world. There are the jocks and nerds, the gamers and book worms. Every trope found in teen movies has a basis in reality.

This tendency to form groups is so automatic, so deeply ingrained, that hierarchies arise (along with the tensions that come with them) around such arbitrary things as the color of one’s skin, the uniform a person is wearing, which dialect they speak, or any of a thousand other distinguishing factors meant to separate us against them.

So what happens when a social world is built up around the false belief in rugged individualism? People in such a world will paradoxically activate their innate social tendencies to create distance and isolation — to begin feeling separate and alone because that is what everyone else around them is doing. The predictable outcome will be heightened anxiety and stress, a greater likelihood for depression and in extreme cases suicide. The pitting of one against another in the hierarchies that quickly form between people.

This happens because humans think in terms of groups. When we frame the world as comprised of individuals, these “islands” of individuality become the conceptual units on which the social world is built up. Individuals are treated as the “Us” and the “Them” of the culture in which this habit of thinking has become dominant.

The individuals ARE the groups in this kind of world. This can be seen in the “me against the world” mindset that treats the self as one group pitted against all others — a prison created within the mind of an individualist to wall themselves off from the pain of bad relationships they seek to avoid. In the end, all they really do is hurt themselves and make it impossible to nurture healthy relationships with others.

Over time, the sickness of excessive individualism gives rise to a self-reinforcing pattern of chronic narcissism. Greed becomes an exalted good and a goal in itself — rising eventually to be the principal measure of health and well-being. To be king (or queen) of the mountain is the very definition of success in an individualistic society.

The focus on materialism (he who dies with the most toys wins) is also a natural and expected outcome of social isolation. A child who cannot find comfort in the affections of family or friends will look for it outside of herself. She will seek it in the things she can acquire to fill the void left where her basic humanity was neglected. In this way, an individualistic society becomes obsessed with material gain — with all the environmental and social harms that come with it.

The first step toward healing is to recognize the problem.

We can unplug from our smart phones, look up from our tablets, and see that the tiny islands of humanity around us are actually vast webs of interdependence. Our bodies are ongoing physical exchanges of nutrients, energy and molecules with every bite we take in, exhaled in every breath we let out. Similarly, the “self” we know as who we are is made up of aspirations from those who have inspired us — the role models for who we want to be.

I am the janitor in my high school who knew how to listen when a troubled teen needed someone to talk to. I am the nice old lady down the street when I was a kid who really knew where her roots were.

I am also the people I aspire not to be. My father wasn’t emotionally present after my parents divorced, so I will be damn sure that I am there for my own children. The same can be said for the bad teachers who lectured me but were not able to convey knowledge or wisdom. I won’t be one of those when I share what I have learned about life and the world!

See how it works? The me is really a WE.

This is how it has always been. The great lie of individualism is that it masks the communities within us. It conceals how we are composites of the good and the bad in others who have touched our lives. We truly would have died if no one touched us after we were born.

Because to be human is to be connected.

Onward, fellow humans.


Want to support my work? Appreciate my writings? Make a contribution here.

Joe Brewer is a change strategist working on behalf of humanity, and also a complexity researcher, cognitive scientist, and evangelist for the field of culture design.

[Image Credit: Flickr]

3.8 ·
1
Trending Today
How Mindfulness Empowers Us
2 min · 8,900 views today · Many traditions speak of the opposing forces within us, vying for our attention. Native American stories speak of two wolves, the angry wolf and the loving wolf, who both live...
Trump Is a Symptom of a Sickness That Is Raging All Across The World
1 min · 7,068 views today · This is why we are here. And this is what we need to remember. 
Looking Forward to the Day That Nationalism Is as Reviled as Racism
Tim Hjersted · 4,942 views today · Nationalism is a form of geographical racism that makes some lives matter more than others, and explicitly justifies that logic without apology. While today, not even lying...
Why It's Crucial for Women to Heal the Mother Wound
Bethany Webster · 3,804 views today · The issue at the core of women’s empowerment is the mother wound
What Is My Activism Really About? to Love, Serve and Remember
Tim Hjersted · 3,326 views today · I have made a promise to this world that I will carry with me to my last days. It is my vow to lessen the suffering of the world while I am here - it is to ensure that every...
John Lennon's "Imagine," Made Into a Comic Strip
John Lennon. Art by Pablo Stanley · 2,628 views today · This is easily the best comic strip ever made.  Pabl
Escape! From the Cult of Materialism (2016)
50 min · 2,399 views today · Does the philosophy of materialism work to destroy our identities, experience, and environment? Join narrator Daphne Ellis on a radical romp through the evidence and decide for...
Supporters 'Ecstatic' After Obama Commutes Chelsea Manning's Sentence
Nika Knight · 2,300 views today · Whistleblower to be released from military prison in May
Dinosaur explains Trump policies better than Trump!
8 min · 887 views today · Donald Trump is actually the corporate triceratops, Mr. Richfield, from the 90's TV show sitcom, "Dinosaurs". 
The Invention of Capitalism: How a Self-Sufficient Peasantry was Whipped Into Industrial Wage Slaves
Yasha Levine · 624 views today · “…everyone but an idiot knows that the lower classes must be kept poor, or they will never be industrious.” —Arthur Young; 1771 Our popular economic wisdom says that...
Today I Rise: This Beautiful Short Film Is Like a Love Poem For Your Heart and Soul
4 min · 609 views today · "The world is missing what I am ready to give: My Wisdom, My Sweetness, My Love and My hunger for Peace." "Where are you? Where are you, little girl with broken wings but full...
Stunning Photos By Alexander Semenov Showcase The Alien Beauty Of Jellyfish
Earth Porm · 601 views today · Jellyfish appear like beautiful aliens in Alexander Semenov’s photography, calling a new attraction to a magical species of marine life. Alexander Semenov is a marine...
Coping With Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the White House
N Ziehl · 504 views today · I want to talk a little about narcissistic personality disorder. I’ve unfortunately had a great deal of experience with it, and I’m feeling badly for those of you who are...
The Top 100 Documentaries We Can Use to Change the World
Films For Action · 496 views today · A more beautiful, just and sustainable world is possible. Take this library and use it to inspire global change!
The Greening of the Self: The Most Important Development of Modern Times
Joanna Macy · 407 views today · Something important is happening in our world that you are not going to read about in the newspapers. I consider it the most fascinating and hopeful development of our time...
Before He Was Assassinated, MLK Jr. Was Advocating For An End To Income Inequality
10 min · 326 views today · We can honor MLK Jr. by pursuing the causes he was advocating for before he was killed.  ​​ Part 2: The Basic Income, A New Human Right (3 minutes) MLK's idea of a basic...
One "Piece of the Oppressor" That I Have Discovered Within Myself
Tim Hjersted · 318 views today · One "piece of the oppressor" that I have found in myself during my inner activist journeys is my use of shame as a method of engaging with the world's problems. Having learned...
90 Inspiring and Visionary Films That Will Change How You See the World in Profound Ways
Tim Hjersted · 302 views today · The world today is in crisis. Everybody knows that. But what is driving this crisis? It's a story, a story that is destroying the world. It's a story about our relationship to...
Watch How Europeans Carved Up African Land They Never Owned
56 min · 263 views today · Watch how Europeans gave away African land they never owned, then expressed anger when Africans resisted. The film is called Africa: A Voyage of Discovery, Episode 6: The...
This Woman Gets No Applause...Why? They Are Too Creeped Out...
7 min · 257 views today · Think you aren't being fooled by advertising tricks? Take a look at this so-called expert revealing food marketing's secret weapon. No amount of marketing makes factory farming...
Load More
What's Next
Like us on Facebook?
Suffering From Rampant Individualism?