Recovering From Betrayal: 7 Steps That Will Change Your Life
By Kristen Brown / huffingtonpost.com

I understand it hurts, and it hurts really badly. No one deserves to be treated the way you were. No one deserves to feel emotional pain tearing through their body or bringing them to their knees. You did nothing to deserve this and it is not your fault.

In 2009 I went through a profound betrayal that uprooted my life and sent it swirling into space. (The full story in my book mentioned later in this article.) I had lost all perceived control of what helped me feel "safe" in the world, and I was teetering over an abyss of depression and anxiety so deep that if I allowed myself to fall in, I may have not ever recouped the strength to pull myself out.

I now lovingly refer to that abyss as "victimhood."

After a betrayal rocks our life, it's quite easy to attach to the thoughts and actions that accompany victimhood. After all, we were the receiver (victim) of another's selfish, thoughtless and cruel actions. We know it was unfair and we can easily get stuck in the dense emotions that accompany that truth.

It's healthy to feel and process emotion. Anger, shame, pain, blame and other emotions we experience are healthy indicators of where we need healing.

However, processing and progressing is very different from becoming stuck in one's story and forever living in victimhood.

At some point, we must decide what we are going to do with our story of betrayal.

The question is:

Am I going to grow and evolve from this?

Or

Am I going to allow his/her behavior to negatively shape my life forever?

Dr. Joe Dispenza, a scientist, researcher, author and lecturer, says it so succinctly, "Memory without the emotional charge is called wisdom."

When we can get to a place where our story is no longer emotionally charged, we know we have healed.

But how do we get there?

The Path to Betrayal Recovery -- You CAN do it

They say time heals all wounds. I agree and I disagree. Yes, over time our pain may decrease even if we don't do the work, but that is mostly because other more pressing matters take precedence as we grow older and we tend to forget part(s) of our story. We may think we are "over it" until the shadow of our unhealed wound bares its ugly head causing us to act out in some hideous way.

In order to truly heal from betrayal and move forward in empowerment and self-worth, we must commit ourselves to our recovery no matter what it takes.

1. Be willing to heal -- As with anything we want to accomplish in life, we must first set an intention. I am willing to heal from this. We must become radically clear that we are moving forward no matter what.

2. Believe your life is not over -- I have found through years of research and personal experience, that each person who adopted this belief and acted from it, not only healed from their betrayal, but found a new and better relationship on the other side.

Which is a fabulous segue to the next step.

3. Healing changes your energy level -- We all function at a certain degree on an energetic scale. When we do the work to heal ourselves, we actually raise our energetic level. An improved energy level always attracts improved partners and friends. We don't run the risk of repeating an old pattern with a new partner because we have far surpassed the level of attraction we were at when we were with our betrayer.

4. Build a supportive community -- Our community has the capacity to lift us up or keep us defeated. It's not that it is impossible to grow in a negative community, it's that it will take a heck of a lot of confidence and focus to do so and those two traits are definitely not in abundance after a profound betrayal.

Be willing to find a mentor or group who has gone through what you are going through. The best teacher is someone who has been there. Allow their wisdom to guide you and feel the support of your community wrapped around you.

You will only be alone if you allow yourself to be.

5. Love yourself -- Oftentimes, it's a lack of self-love that gets us into these messes and it is abundance of self-love that will get us out! It may sound like a ridiculous notion, but I am living proof on what dedicated self-worth work can and will do! Be willing to reframe your mind regarding who you are and what you are worth. Read books on your topic and attend lectures and workshops. Fill your mind with healing words and wisdom.

6. Find the gift in the betrayal -- I know... at first glance you want to scream at me, "What gift?! There is no gift in what he/she did!" I understand completely. I felt that way too; however, if we look close enough, there is always a gift. By focusing on the blessings in our lives (gratitude practice) we actually energetically align to the manifestation of what we want more of. Additionally, good feeling thoughts promote good feeling emotions and a peaceful mind allows us to make great decisions for our lives.

7. Forgive them -- Friends, forgiveness is for you, not your perpetrator. Forgiveness means letting go. It means understanding and having compassion for the darkness of your perpetrator and knowing it had nothing to do with you. It means releasing the toxic tie binding you to him/her. Remember, forgiveness is not condoning their behavior, it is detaching from it. If you are finding yourself super resistant to forgiveness at this time, at the very least set the intention:

I am willing to forgive.

For more on Kristen's life changing book, related articles or personal coaching, please visit: www.kristenbrown.org.

My book From Doormat To Sweet Empowerment -- A spiritual guide to reclaiming your personal power in relationships and life outlines the 9 keys steps I took to recover my self-worth after "my tsunami" in 2009.The shift in my life was so fascinating I felt driven to share my discovery with the world.

Follow Kristen Brown on Twitter: www.twitter.com/krissibrown

3.5 ·
1
What's Next
Trending Today
This Polish Ad Will Give You The Feels, For Reals
3 min · 23,527 views today · This is an ad for Allegro, a Polish company similar to eBay, and it's heartwarmingly lovely.
Time-Lapse Satellite Images Give a Startling Snapshot of Past 30 Years on Earth
2 min · 17,906 views today · Working with satellite images from NASA and the US Geological Survey, Google has created a searchable snapshot of the past 3 decades on Earth, creating startling time-lapses of...
Ten Ways We Misunderstand Children
Jan Hunt · 14,378 views today · 1. We expect children to be able to do things before they are ready. We ask an infant to keep quiet. We ask a 2-year-old to sit still. We ask a 3-year-old to clean his room...
The Problem with Hating Our Enemies
Charles Eisenstein · 7,865 views today · He who fights too long against dragons becomes a dragon himself; and if thou gaze too long into the abyss, the abyss will gaze into thee. —Nietzsche
How to Expose Trump's Dastardly Bait-And-Switch
Robert Borosage · 5,281 views today · Trump is not an economic populist, he’s just playing one on TV.
Swanage Protectors Camp - Campaigning to Stop New Oil and Gas Exploration in Dorset, UK
7 min · 3,101 views today · The planning permission for an exploratory oil rig near Swanage ran out on 3rd December 2016. A good day all round for those campaigning against the fossil fuel industry. Hear...
The Myth of Positivity: Why Your Pain Holds a Mighty Purpose
umair haque · 2,870 views today · Of all the great myths of contemporary life, one of the most toxic is positivity. It says: there are negative and positive emotions, and only the positive ones are worth...
Why You Should Stop Apologizing for Doing All That You Can
Kelly Hayes · 2,785 views today · I’ve noticed lately that a lot of allies and accomplices I talk to about NoDAPL and other struggles will name what they are trying to contribute to the cause, and then promptly...
Have You Heard of The Great Forgetting? It Happened 10,000 Years Ago & Completely Affects Your Life
Daniel Quinn · 2,077 views today · (Excerpted from the book, The Story of B) With every audience and every individual, I have to begin by making them see that the cultural self-awareness we inherit from our...
The Lid Is off, The Truth Is Coming Out
Charles Eisenstein · 1,856 views today · It is getting harder to keep a secret these days. The collective shadow of our society, once safely relegated to the dark basement of the unmentionable, is now exposed to...
Van Jones: Only a 'Love Army' Will Conquer Trump
Tim Dickinson · 1,785 views today · Though it's important to fight Trump's policies, "it's at the values level that we need to do a reset," says Jones
Sleaford Mods on Brexit Britain
4 min · 1,779 views today · In early 2014 the Guardian hailed duo Sleaford Mods as ‘the most uncompromising British protest music made in years’. Here, we go backstage at a Sleaford Mods gig in their...
6 Toxic Relationship Habits Most People Think Are Normal
Mark Manson · 1,561 views today · There’s no class in high school on how to not be a shitty boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, they teach us the biology of sex, the legality of marriage, and maybe read a few...
15 Easy Things You Can Do to Help When You Feel Like Shit
Maritsa Patrinos · 1,411 views today · You don’t have to tackle it all at once.
Black on Black Crime Isn't a Myth
Donyae Coles · 1,358 views today · Let’s talk about Black on Black crime. Maybe you’ve heard about it on the news, specifically likely in regards to Black people murdered by other Black people. Perhaps you’ve...
John Lennon's "Imagine," Made Into a Comic Strip
John Lennon. Art by Pablo Stanley · 1,321 views today · This is easily the best comic strip ever made.  Pabl
David Graeber: We Need a Revolution in the Way We Think about "Work"
4 min · 1,248 views today · David Graeber on the Value of Work. Does the world really need neuroadvertisers, PR researchers and branding consultants? Renowned academic and coiner of the ‘we are the 99%’...
Today I Rise: This Beautiful Short Film Is Like a Love Poem For Your Heart and Soul
4 min · 1,036 views today · "The world is missing what I am ready to give: My Wisdom, My Sweetness, My Love and My hunger for Peace." "Where are you? Where are you, little girl with broken wings but full...
A Hauntingly Beautiful Short Film About Life and Death
5 min · 956 views today · The Life of Death is a touching handdrawn animation about the day Death fell in love with Life.
Dr. Maya Angelou: Love Liberates
5 min · 898 views today · Words to live by from Dr. Maya Angelou. Love each other.
Load More
Like us on Facebook?
Recovering From Betrayal: 7 Steps That Will Change Your Life