Judge Less, Accept More, and Restore Your Happiness
“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.” ~Sri Chinmoy
By Patricia Tashiro / tinybuddha.com

A few years back, the husband of an acquaintance spoke curtly—dare I sound judgmental and say rudely—to his mother-in-law in front of me, his wife, his daughter, and a few others.

Each time I thought about what he said, a wave of judgmental thoughts came into my mind: How could he speak to her like that? How could he be so disrespectful? And, what a poor example he was setting for his daughter…

These negative thoughts stayed with me for a few days until I asked myself: “Have I ever spoken curtly or rudely to someone?”

The answer was, of course, “Yes.” And, although I didn’t want to make excuses, I asked myself if someone had been watching me at that moment, if there were a reason that would make that person understand where I was coming from or what I was going through. The answer was, “Usually, yes.”

As soon as I turned my attention away from him and looked at myself, all of the negative thoughts I was having about him faded away. Instantly, I felt so much better.

Beyond that, it provided a good opportunity for me to start looking at myself, why I judged others, and how I could stop it.

My meditation teacher, Giziben, has said, “Judge, but don’t condemn. If you hear that someone has done something terrible, judge that you will not do that. But don’t condemn the other, as that ignites the desire for revenge and kills the love within.”

The reasons why we judge are fairly easy to identify. Often we judge others when we’re jealous of them in some way, because they have something, like a position, status, or role, which we don’t.

We also judge when our desires or expectations aren’t met and then we think, “How could they do that?” It can also just become a habit to complain and find fault.

But what is the root cause of judging? It is our ego.

First, the ego compares the self with others, often putting others down to temporarily boost up the self. Then it starts to compete, trying to prove that it is better. “I would have never have done that…”

Then, it isn’t long until the criticism comes, which quickly leads to condemnation. “Isn’t he awful…”

Once we’ve reached this state, there’s no peace left in our mind and no love left in our heart—and therefore, no happiness.

So, what’s the antidote to judging? Acceptance.

My teacher often says, “The ego can’t bear acceptance. It lives on resisting.”

When I realize that I’ve slipped into judging, to get out of it, I focus on accepting the person or the situation. (This doesn’t mean that you have to agree; you just have to accept what is!)

Sometimes to accept someone it helps to remember that they’re doing the best that they can at that moment.

What we don’t accept is that we want them to do something else, but actually, what we want is beyond their capacity.

My teacher has said that this is “like going to an apple merchant and asking for oranges. And then we get upset when we get apples. But they didn’t have any oranges to give in the first place. So whose mistake was it for misjudging the other’s capacity?”

To move into acceptance, it also helps to remember that we cannot possibly know the whole story.

Whether it’s between two friends or colleagues, a husband and wife, or two in-laws, we cannot know what has happened between them that brought them to that moment that we might witness. So, to judge one moment in time, without regard for the past or what is to come in the future, lacks wisdom.

If you ask anyone, no one will say that they like to be judged. Everyone wants to free from being judged, but very few are free from judging.

We want to be accepted unconditionally, but we rarely accept others unconditionally.

The question is, why? Maybe because we don’t accept ourselves and are constantly judging ourselves that we do the same to others. It’s a form of entertainment to keep from doing the work we need to do on ourselves.

But if we truly don’t like being judged, then we would stop judging others, because intuitively we know that what we put out comes back to us.

Judge others and you will be judged. Accept others and you will be accepted. (Maybe not immediately, but in time!)

When my mind is caught in the spin of judging what someone else has said or done, I don’t like how it feels. I don’t like that someone else is occupying my thoughts and that it brings negative feelings that extinguishes the love within. When this happens, I know I am not in a place where I want to be.

The good news is that I have found that a way out of this place.

When we shift our thoughts from judging to accepting, not only others, but also ourselves, we can restore our happiness.

Patricia Tashiro wrote An Angel Whispered, an inspiring book on happiness, while studying with Giziben, a gifted spiritual teacher who's practiced Raja Yoga Meditation for over 20 years. Patricia believes peace, love & happiness will only come in the world when we find it within. 

3.8 ·
What's Next
Trending Today
Noam Chomsky Has 'Never Seen Anything Like This'
Chris Hedges · 12,477 views today · Noam Chomsky is America’s greatest intellectual. His massive body of work, which includes nearly 100 books, has for decades deflated and exposed the lies of the power elite...
Today I Rise: This Beautiful Short Film Is Like a Love Poem For Your Heart and Soul
4 min · 3,123 views today · "The world is missing what I am ready to give: My Wisdom, My Sweetness, My Love and My hunger for Peace." "Where are you? Where are you, little girl with broken wings but full...
Donald Trump Is the Mirror and Hillary Clinton Is the Mask
Chris Agnos · 2,730 views today · Disclaimer: I do not support Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton for president. I think the scope of the political debate is far too narrow for the kinds of actions that need to...
Mark Corske's Engines of Domination (2014)
60 min · 2,440 views today · Political power -- armed central authority, with states and war -- is it part of human nature? Is it necessary for human communities? Or is it a tool that ruling elites use to...
Your Lifestyle Has Already Been Designed (The Real Reason For The Forty-Hour Workweek)
David Cain · 2,073 views today · Well I’m in the working world again. I’ve found myself a well-paying gig in the engineering industry, and life finally feels like it’s returning to normal after my nine months...
What Makes Call-Out Culture So Toxic
Asam Ahmad · 1,709 views today · Call-out culture refers to the tendency among progressives, radicals, activists, and community organizers to publicly name instances or patterns of oppressive behaviour and...
HyperNormalisation (2016)
161 min · 1,540 views today · We live in a time of great uncertainty and confusion. Events keep happening that seem inexplicable and out of control. Donald Trump, Brexit, the War in Syria, the endless...
The White Man in That Photo
Riccardo Gazzaniga · 967 views today · Sometimes photographs deceive. Take this one, for example. It represents John Carlos and Tommie Smith’s rebellious gesture the day they won medals for the 200 meters at the...
Gil Scott-Heron Deconstructs Colonialism and Black History in His Own Unique Style
3 min · 961 views today · His-Story: I was wondering about our yesterdays, and starting searching through the rubble and to say the very least, somebody went to a hell of a lot of trouble to make sure...
10 Quotes From an Oglala Lakota Chief That Will Make You Question Everything About Our Society
Wisdom Pills · 920 views today · Luther Standing Bear was an Oglala Lakota Sioux Chief who, among a few rare others such as Charles Eastman, Black Elk and Gertrude Bonnin occupied the rift between the way of...
Donald and Hobbes Is Genius
Various · 829 views today · Some clever folk have been replacing precocious 6-year-old Calvin, from the Calvin and Hobbes comic strips, with Donald Trump and the results are, well, take a look...
John Lennon's "Imagine," Made Into a Comic Strip
John Lennon. Art by Pablo Stanley · 814 views today · This is easily the best comic strip ever made.  Pabl
Schooling the World (2010)
66 min · 565 views today · If you wanted to change an ancient culture in a generation, how would you do it? You would change the way it educates its children. The U.S. Government knew this in the 19th...
Planet Earth II Could Be Best Nature Doc Ever Made
3 min · 468 views today · 10 years ago Planet Earth changed our view of the world. Now we take you closer than ever before. This is life in all its wonder. This is Planet Earth II. A decade ago, the...
Anarchists - What We Stand For
unknown · 429 views today · Anarchism : The word “anarchy” comes from Greek and means “no rulers”. As a political philosophy, anarchism is based on the idea that organization does not require rulers—that...
The Top 100 Documentaries We Can Use to Change the World
Films For Action · 390 views today · A more beautiful, just and sustainable world is possible. Take this library and use it to inspire global change!
For Those Who Don't Want to Vote for the Lesser of Two Evils
Peter White · 370 views today · Ranked-choice voting is catching on, and Maine might become the first state to help citizens vote for candidates they actually want.
Are You Lost in the World Like Me?
3 min · 288 views today · Animated film by Steve Cutts for 'Are You Lost In The World Like Me?', taken from These Systems Are Failing- the debut album from Moby & The Void Pacific Choir. 
The Revenge of the Lower Classes and the Rise of American Fascism
Chris Hedges · 277 views today · College-educated elites, on behalf of corporations, carried out the savage neoliberal assault on the working poor. Now they are being made to pay. Their duplicity—embodied in...
World's Low-Cost Economy Built on the Backs of 46 Million Modern Day Slaves
Deirdre Fulton · 256 views today · 'Business leaders who refuse to look into the realities of their own supply chains are misguided and irresponsible.'
Load More
Like us on Facebook?
Judge Less, Accept More, and Restore Your Happiness