By Sudip Dey
Mar 9, 2016
They say, when you want something desperately, the whole of world gets united to get that thing to reach you. But I wonder, if it is really a true statement, as he advices me to not accept anything blindly. He always tells me to speak on the grounds of logic, not emotions. But does love really follow the logical arguments? Is it like the comets orbiting the Sun? He didn't answer; or rather I should say, he could not, the day I proposed him, writing a 10 pages long letter. That day, a benevolent misconception waved off from the sky of mind, I was torn apart.
We have shared moments together, had momos at the city's most popular stalls (he is crazy for momos). We have visited book fairs, attended discussions, watched plays together, when I was just 20, blindly in love with a 'STRAIGHT LIKE A RULER' person. Is it wrong for a guy to fall in love with the other? I asked him in the letter, the letter which had the darkest secrets of my life. My fascination for him, my secret wish to hug him at least once, to hold him close to my heart, everything used to seem like criminal deeds.
"Am I a pervert?", I used to keep questioning. But, that cute face of him used to come in front of me and I used to make myself understand that I was not wrong, because he was not. And I, a person loving such a flawless person can never be wrong. I still laugh at myself when I remember how other boyfriends used to arrange seat for their female partners, I used to struggle hard to keep a seat safe for my BOYFRIEND. And I used to keep staring towards the door until he was not there beside me. Such was my fascination for him.
The reply to my 10 pages long letter was of the same length. He applied with all his logic and scientific knowledge to nullify my love for him. Each single line, written by him was logical and scientific, but was illogical and insensible for me at that time. I was too stubborn to understand that he is STRAIGHT. I cried, requested, called and waited every night, with the thought that maybe he was pretending to be heterosexual. But, he is firm and till date he is, now happily engaged with a sweet lady.
So here, I am! Far away from him, with a wish to love him unconditionally, kept deep in my heart. My first and may be, the last unconditional love. The only thing that keeps me happy all the time are his hopeful advices. Those logical pointers even while sending a message keep me hopeful. It is indeed him, who has taught me to be rational instead of being an emotional fool. His funny comment, "if you would have been a girl, I wouldn’t have given a single chance to anyone else" still makes me feel happy.
I don’t celebrate Valentine Day on 14th, for me it is on 29th of February, his birthday, every year. That science freak is my first love and no matter how many people I meet, I doubt if anyone can ever replace him.
Blog Source: http://comeoutloud.com/articlepage/?id=56bf2934a55e865b17e22787&type=blog